Heaven’s Monday from Hell

It’s been one of those Mondays that make Me wonder why I invented them. First, the sot of an angel whose turn it was to make My coffee got mixed up and gave Me decaf. Even the One True God needs a jolt in the morning, so that made for a slow start.

Then I got outside, and found out that St. Francis of Assisi’s chickens got out during the night and left gifts all over the driveway for Me to step into. Honestly, while I respect his love of animals, I don’t think My brown suedes should pay the price. What in My name does he feed them anyway?

The high point of My day was when Moses phoned in a 911. Apparently some Israelites and Egyptians were watching TV together after breakfast and news about Mohammed Morsi’s trial came on. The Israelites started taunting the Egyptians about not being able to decide who their leader is and before Moses knew what was happening, the TV room was neck-deep in locusts and frogs and whatever else. I authorized him to give them some of the burning bush to smoke and that mellowed them out.

The only thing is, they got the munchies and immediately proceeded to eat everything in sight. Now St. Francis can’t find one of his sheep, and let Me tell you, St. Francis can get really whiny when we burn green stuff and he loses an animal. He makes Me wonder how you guys tolerate environmentalists, honestly.

I never did actually get any of my to-do list done after all that. So if your prayer to get home in time for wrestling didn’t get answered today, just keep in mind that Mondays have a unique capacity to suck, even for Me. Let’s see what Tuesday is like, as if I don’t know.