Prayer rules, revamped

Okay people, new prayer rules. I’m not Santa and it’s not Christmas, so any requests involving the new iPad Air will get you nowhere. No, not the iPad mini either. This rule is not limited to any specific make, model or brand of consumer items you don’t need; it includes all of them.

Also, I may be immortal and eternal, but I still like My eight hours sleep, just for the fun of it. So if you should be asleep, consider that I should be too. Hold the prayers till morning, and not too early. A God without coffee is not a God that will indulge you.

Once in a while, just to be different, ask for something for someone who isn’t you. I’m just saying, that kind of thing comes as a pleasant (and rare) surprise to us higher beings. Try it, you might like it.

Finally, quit the chanting, will ya? Maybe that rosary business works for you, but hearing a billion Catholics say multiple Hail Marys makes Chinese water torture seem pretty lame. Just talk to Me in a normal voice. No, not the one you use for the baby or the dog, that’s not at all normal, and by the way, the dog is fed up with it.

That’s all I can think of right now, but I’m sure you’ll do something to make Me add to the list.